Written by Nodal Staff
November 30, 2022
Current and former surrogates weigh in on what they wish more people knew.
We’re not saying that surrogacy is the *most* misunderstood process in the world, but it’s high on the list. And because the myths and misconceptions about surrogacy are damaging to surrogates, families, and medical providers, we thought it might be a good idea to clarify some things.
Keep reading to discover what surrogates wish people knew about the journey, including why surrogacy has nothing to do with "loving" being pregnant and everything to do with it being a choice to help intended parents build the family of their dreams.
And it's a big reason we are fierce advocates for changing the language around the process, namely that intended parents "use" a surrogate to build their families. Nope! Instead, intended parents work with surrogates to create an equal, respected, autonomous, and empowering journey for all parties involved.
Why is that, you ask? Because the baby isn’t ours to give up! Instead, you love the baby the way you love someone else’s child (psst ... because it is) and, while the connection is special, it is entirely different than when you carry your own child. And when the doctors hand the baby to the intended parents, it feels incredible—magical even—not sad.
The idea that the intended parents of the babies we carry “own” us while we’re pregnant and get to control our bodies during that time is entirely incorrect. A big part of surrogacy involves the parents trusting the surrogate, and the legalities of the process are why there is a legally-binding surrogacy agreement. The agreement lays out all pregnancy expectations, ensuring everyone is comfortable along the way—and no one gets treated like a human incubator!
"Surrogacy is a true calling for most of us, and that’s a narrative we can not only live with but fully endorse."
We know just how lucky we are to be able to carry healthy pregnancies with relative ease, but we still get aches and pains like everyone else. (Read: Morning sickness does not care if you're carrying your baby or someone else's.) For some, pregnancy can be blissful, and for others, they can’t wait to get to the proverbial finish line. What we all have in common is that we find immense joy in helping people create or expand their families, which outweighs any considerations around potential discomfort.
The truth is, we don’t need people to “get” why we choose to be surrogates, but we are advocates for the journey for a reason—we want more understanding around surrogacy to become the norm, not the exception. In fact, we'd rather be the ones telling people about the experience than the media or ridiculous storylines portrayed in films.
Ultimately, we choose this journey to help fulfill the intended parents’ dreams. Surrogacy is a true calling for most surrogates, and that’s a narrative we can not only live with but fully endorse.
If you’re ready to apply to become part of our game-changing network, we’re excited to meet you!